Qualified?
Throughout the official discernment process, and as I prepare to start my theological education, I've been struggling with a major insecurity: "How am I ever going to do this?" (I posted about these feelings for the first time here, and I have a funny feeling that this won't be the last post on the topic. Facing one's insecurities can sure feel like a rollercoaster...)
How will I be able to handle graduate school?
How will I be able to get up in front of a congregation and preach?
How will I be able to deal with life in a fishbowl?
How will I be able to... you get the idea.
Yesterday I came across this post from a new life emerging.
I keep coming back to this phrase:
GOD DOES NOT CALL THE QUALIFIED, GOD QUALIFIES THE CALLED.
I feel called to ordered ministry. (I have felt called for a long time and am finally doing something about it, but that's a whole other post.) I don't have all the answers to those questions I have about my insecurities and abilities and qualifications. Even after I complete my program of study and jump through all the UCCan hoops and am officially "qualified" (God willing), I'm not going to have all the answers.
What I do have (and must hold onto) is a trust in God that I am on the right path, and that I am not alone on my journey.
It is not about being adequate, it is about being faithful and trusting God. I need to remind myself when I want to attempt to do God's work in my own power. God will do for and in me what I am incapable of doing for myself or another.
Yep.
posted by Jen @ 10:03 a.m.
11 comments
11 Comments:
I remember having those feelings (and they still crop up). My spiritual director at the time gave me really good advice: one step at a time. You just get through one step at a time, and you will find the resources to get through that step when you need them.
While you wrestle those "How will I's" don't forget to enjoy the journey! Seminary can be a great community, and immersing yourself in it--to the extent that you can-- will be a good model for life in the church.
Wise words, my friends. Thank you. :)
Thank you for posting this. I need to remind myself of this often.
Thanks for the post. I'll admit to having some of the same wonderings myself.
What I realized the other day is that discernment is not about figuring out everything that's ahead in the next 5-10-15 years. Rather, it's about where God is calling you now. Kind of like driving on a country road at night. Your headlights illuminate just far enough ahead that you can continue to find your way.
Where the trust comes in is in trusting that God will keep shining the headlights.
Happy to have found your blog. Nice to have companions on the journey.
Just before I went for my first selection conference (they didn't recommend me for training the first time...but I went home knowing that my calling was the most real thing there was in my life) my vicar said to me
"God calls you as you are...it's up to him to sort out what you will become"
which I found very helpful...still do.
And of course you won't be adequate...none of us ever is...that's what's so wonderful about God..he uses the most ordinary, everyday, flawed people - and things- and transforms them by his grace into something miraculous. :-)
Thank you, everyone, for your kindess, perspective, support, and wisdom. I really appreciate you. :)
Wow! Great response to this post, my friend! I'm glad both that you feel called to ministry and called to share your thoughts with the world in a blogspace.
I believe that sometimes we feel like we need to pass the exam before we've even taken the course.
You are exactly where you're supposed to be - feeling called and beginning the training. I trust that the combination of training and what you draw up from inside yourself will be abundantly sufficient for the role of ministry you will play in your life.
Oh - that, and, You are not alone. :)
Thanks be to God.
I believe that sometimes we feel like we need to pass the exam before we've even taken the course.
Nicely put, JenBen. Thank you.
I am glad I found your blog. You are where I will (God willing) be in my discernment process this time next year. I am in the Episcopal Church's process. I have some major committee interviews left but I have made it through a good percentage of the process.
Sometimes when I think about all of this my call seems very clear, maybe even obvious. Then there are those moments when I don't know what in the world I was thinking.
I feel like I am on a dark and winding path with just enough light to see what is immediately ahead of me. I am learning to live with uncertainty and unanswered questions.
Sometimes I wonder if I will have any idea how to minister. With a tedious job and the chaos of every day life I sometimes feel a bit lost.
But sometimes I am reminded that maybe I am in fact on the right path. I hold tight to these moments, just as others have mentioned they do.
Hi, Steph!
Sometimes when I think about all of this my call seems very clear, maybe even obvious. Then there are those moments when I don't know what in the world I was thinking.
Amen, Sister! That's exactly it.
Thanks for your comment - I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts and experiences. I look forward to spending some time on your blog. :)
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