Eyes on the prize

Right now, I'm working at a college of applied arts and technology as a Support Services Officer in the Office of the Registrar. My official title is: Enrolment Planning/Information Management Analyst. What does that mean, you ask? Well, to be honest, I have no idea. And I've been here for one year and one week.

My primary task is to prepare reports for the Registrar and various other departments at the college. These reports typcially involve enrolment numbers, but can include specific student and program information. I also process grades twice a term, help with registration and graduation, and pitch in around the office when they need extra hands.

My big job is the annual enrolment audit. It's a long, mind-boggling process - at least to my non-mathematical mind. (The same can be said of many of my tasks.) I've been working on this for a while now, and the auditors are here. I've completed the full-time enrolment report, which wasn't too bad, and am now struggling with the part-time enrolment report. My boss isn't familiar with what's required, either, which, while perversely comforting, is not very helpful. I'm learning as I go, getting frustrated when I don't understand, and elated when I make progress - and that's essentially how I've been doing my job since day one.

There's a long and sordid tale of how this came to be. In brief, the person who did all of the reporting and what-not was laid off after my position had been created and approved, but before I started; he'd been kept on for an extra year, and our positions overlapped by about six months. He was bitter and angry and had as little to do with me as possible. He didn't train me, he was patronizing and rude, and he made me look foolish on numerous occasions in numerous capacities.

His behaviour made things very difficult for me around here. I tried to be sympathetic to his situation, but I reached a point when enough was enough and decided to struggle along on my own. I couldn't control the situation, but I could control my response to it. Once I got to that point, I started handling things a little better.

It was tough not to take things personally, though I did clue in that it wasn't necessarily me he had trouble with, but the person taking over many of his tasks. Regardless, his behaviour was childish and unfair, and there are still days when I get angry and frustrated with him, though he's been gone for six months.

Early last fall, at the start of my discernment and during one of my darker periods of self-doubt about this job and my potential to be a good minister, I came to a simple realization that kicked me in the ass: I can do this.

In this crazy job, I've learned a lot on my own, and have made a positive contribution to the operation of the office. I have come a long way, in spite of lack of training and support. Sure, numbers aren't my thing - but I've learned to get along with them. I won't be going into ministry in the same set of circumstances - I will have training and I already have tons of support. I can do this. I won't be without challenges and frustrations and I certainly won't be perfect, but I can do this.

So, here I am, struggling with the audit, trying to remember how far I've come in this job on my own, and trying keep my eyes on the prize: August 26, 2005. That is the day when I leave the halls of this institution of higher learning and enter the halls of another. I'm excited and terrified, but I'm confident, too: I can do this.